Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"I had a really bad dream last night." -Matt
"What was it about?"- Me
"I was supposed to be in a crowd full of people, but instead of it being people... it was all cloth." -Matt- "I hate dreaming about cloth."

He is the most hilarious person to talk to about stuff like that. Who has bad dreams about cloth? CLOTH. hahahahaha I keep laughing to myself about it. The look on his face was priceless when he told me about it. We were eating lunch that he brought home for me because he has the day off of work.

I work tonight again. I feel like I work every day, honestly. I plan on working the window with Brad, if I can manage it. I'm pretty sure that he'd rather work with me than most of the other crew that work tonight, haha. Plus, Brad is fun and he sings. I don't even mind the inappropriate jokes sometimes- not so the customers can hear, of course. Hahaha, I feel tired though. Maybe it is these glasses- I should put in my contacts.

I think that sometimes I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm going into art. I want to work for Disney. But there is this whole other part of me that wants to do two or three different things. One is writing, one is music, and one is acting. I hate that I look like I don't know who I am in life. That whole "find yourself" concept seems dull to me. Why shouldn't I already know exactly who I am?

I yell at myself sometimes in my head, haha. Lately, I feel like I have deceived myself into believing that life is like a movie or a book- to the point where I believe that everyone gets a happy ending and like it should be scripted. I realize, however, that that is absolutely absurd. Life isn't scripted and I can't control it. I can't always get things my way- that is not how it works.

I have a heck of a lot of growing up to do. And I'm tired of people saying that I'm really mature and stuff, because I know that I am not. I have so much to learn.

I'm learning a song by ear on piano. The fact that I can do this astonishes me. I never really had much faith in my own musical ability. I never even finish learning a song all the way through. And I ignored Mrs. R's praise in choir when it came to sight reading and the sound of my voice. I'm just not that great at it- it's a hobby. That's it. But I love it like it were a person.
Mia keeps nudging my arm on the piano though- and our key board mysteriously disappeared from our basement without my knowledge. I'm going to go keep trying to get this down.

Chau for now.

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