Sunday, June 28, 2009

I just saw "My Sister's Keeper" and cried the entire time.

It was really good. I might read the book now- after I'm finished with my current one. Which is a slow but progressing progress, haha.
I bought the soundtrack on itunes too. It's really good as well, in my opinion.

Anyway, that's all the excitement I have had for a while. I saw Transformers 2 on its opening night with Mandy and that was also good. It's a total guy movie but i enjoyed it nevertheless. :]

Gram had a bad day today. It's hard to watch her sometimes. I got the boys outside for a super soaker fight the other day and her and Grandpa watched us, laughing. I felt like I was helping her somehow. Making her happy. That's all I can hope to do now. I just wish there were more, ya know? But death is inevitable. Unavoidable. A part of life.

I've been taking bike rides more and more lately. Each time, I try to look up at the sky while I'm riding or into the trees or something. To just notice my surroundings. I feel like everything is taken for granted sometimes.

I got called out on acting like a child the other day. It's not like I haven't been called out on it before either. I just wish that people understood that maturity is followed by loneliness. So many people aren't "as mature as Lydia is". So I'm told anyway. There is so much that people don't understand- that I don't understand. And so it is draining for me to be mature. To always be the "better" person. To rise above things even when I don't want to. It is a blessing, yes. But it's also something that I take for granted more often than not.

I'm going to write a book. I know I've said it before, but I think that is something I need to do for some reason.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Life is scary.

Scary isn't easy.

Scary gives me adrenaline that is both enjoyable and not at different times.

It's confusing.

And I'm so tired of thinking.

But if it weren't scary....

it wouldn't be life, no?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

So I know I shouldn't laugh; mostly because it isn't actually funny.

But I mean, come on. I've never been so confused by one person in my whole life. I was told that a friendship was possible and our best bet. Yet, apparently, I'm not allowed to be friendly without being considered fake. I'm fake, then I break and freak out, and then I try to pick up the pieces again. That's what I was told. Ridiculous, haha, my life doesn't revolve around them- I'm actually happy. I don't know how much longer I can last when being called out for "fakeness" when really, I'm just being myself. It doesn't make a friendship work too well.

In other news, my older brother is giving me the silent treatment, I think. Something that will eventually just blow over and we'll both just forget. Our family isn't one for holding grudges, so I'm not worried. I provoked it, and I deserve it, I'll admit that much. But I don't think that anyone deserves to be cussed out over the phone. Honestly? I hate it when people use profanity towards me in general. It's unattractive and it just hurts me to hear. Weird perhaps? -shrugs- I don't know.

I think I developed a "date night" with Max...? Hahaha, we're going to the movies every Monday night now. He made me pick last time and I refuse to make a decision this next Monday. We saw Drag Me to Hell, which was not scary but funny (it wasn't supposed to be scary). It was nice to just chill and hang out and stuff. The night took a turn for the worse after that though, when Brad called Max and... well, it just wasn't good. Let's just say a car window got punched out.

Mandy and Emma invited me to the Jonas Brothers concert in July. I kind of want to be crazy- not because I'm a HUGE fanatic or anything- just because I enjoy getting crazy looks from people =]. Life is meant to be fun and I'm going ot enjoy it. So if i show up dressed like Wendy from Peter Pan and ask people where Peter has run off to, then so be it. I love Disney and this is the perfect opportunity to just have fun with it, haha. I'm so excited. Now I just need a costume. =]

Well, get off your butt and go enjoy your day. Computers aren't everything. They aren't even that much fun! :P

Chow for now.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Roughest day I've had in a while, I think.

But I am sticking to my decision.

I've been all over the place, it seems, in the past couple of days. I had a fun yet somewhat not-so-fun night last night. Boys need to stop getting a hold of my number because I'm tired of it just being passed from one to the other. I didn't feel well today and I still feel a bit nauseous, honestly. I found out that fruit punch makes me throw up if I drink too much of it. At least, I'm pretty positive that it is the fruit punch since the thought of it is repulsive to me now. The wings lost, sadly. And I was at work all night- it was a dead night because of the game so it wasn't so bad.

Amanda came in and she talked to me for a while until Jule rudely interrupted us because she thought that I was being unfair for having a conversation while the rest of them... well, helped two customers and then joined in to say hello. It was ridiculous and I'm still pissed about it when I think about it. Anyway, Amanda is getting married soon- I hope I get invited cause I love weddings and Amanda is really cool :). She's also moving to Florida in February and she invited me to come visit her and her soon-to-be-husband when I go down there for Disney- and we'd go to church and hang out for a weekend because where they live is close to Orlando. I like Amanda- she's so bubbly and happy and outgoing all the time. It's great talking to someone like that.

Lost a friend today. Well, for the time being anyway. They don't have any idea about it and I'm still emotionally sick from cutting them out of my life for the time being. It's not a pleasant or healthy feeling, honestly. But it had to be done, I think. Too bad though.

Anyway, I've got work in the morning and then Molly's grad party to go to tomorrow. So I really need to sleep.

Goodnight <3

Friday, June 5, 2009

I work in a fish bowl.

I worked for eleven hours today. Not something I recommend when you have a job that requires you to stand the whole time. Plus, my memory was failing by the end of the night. And I know that I should've been smiling a LOT more than I was. But I was so tired!!!! I could'n't help but be a little cranky!

Plus, a friend of mine undermined me in getting a second job, basically. And she's probably going to steal the guy that I'm crushing on too.

Well, boo on life today. Hahahaha

Tha's all.

Chou for now.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

I've experienced every emotion imaginable within the past twenty four hours.

I found out that the boy I love has already moved on. A devastating blow that made me cry for four hours straight and call in sick to work. But I am truly happy for him and her. Part of me misses the good that I had with him, but he makes her happy and she makes him happy. Nothing should stand in the way of that. I honestly believe that.

Some day I might find the right person for me. Right now, I'm not looking. I'm still hurting, but at the same time, I'm perfectly okay. I'm needed by my friends and family. Life is confusing and scary but I'm okay with that. If it were different then it wouldn't be life.

I am a romantic. I don't get awkward hardly ever. I love feeling nervous in a good way. And I like to eat ice cream when I'm sad. I like that I have lived every moment without regret.

I have loved and been loved and that is all I could ask for. I got what I wanted and I am happy with what I have.

Goodnight, world. May tomorrow bring me more adventures and excitement.

And may the Lord bless and keep every one of you. <3

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

When did gentlemen disappear off of the face of the planet?

When did men become pigs or animals of that nature?

When did love become temporary?

I went out with Steph and Sara today and we had a lot of fun. We flirted with cute boys in AE and then bought cute stuff and headed over to Lipuma's to resolve unfinished business with a sir named Chase. Ultimately, I watched as a friend of mine had her hopes shot down and realized the irony of being able to help others but not myself. I got hit on by Nick which was kind of funny and entertaining yet made me realize that they all want the same thing. And none of it is to be commited or in any kind of lasting relationship.

I'm tired of being discarded.

I'm more than a damn pretty face, thanks.

Monday, June 1, 2009

"She sits on the dock of tomorrow.
Waiting for him to come home.

But tomorrow never comes.
Leaving her forever in the midst of today."

I like to write sometimes. I wrote that today. The end of it was actually, "We only have today" but I didn't like that much so I just changed it now. Still not sure if I like it completely... But I like it better anyway. I'm not very good at writing.

I'm quite tired. Long day of work tonight. Ben and Kiki showed up an hour and a half late at least. So we had a line out the door and only three of us working for the time that there were MIA. This put Tim and I into bad moods, unfortunately. I snapped out of mine eventually, but Tim was unhappy the rest of the night.

Time for sleep, I think. I just bought swim suits over the internet... I potentially just wasted money. BUT I'm hoping they fit and look good and whatnot. If not... they shall be hidden because returning them is too much of a hassle through the mail.

Goodnight world :)

I miss him.