I really miss being in theater.

Randomly, I go into these moods. At these points in time, I find myself trapped in thoughts of being on stage. The rush of knowing my part. The nerves that send adrenaline throughout my body. The voice that I fear may shake in the presence of an audience.

I love singing. And I love acting. However, neither have been a strong point and I've just kind of let them fade into my 'younger' years, haha. But when I'm alone in my room at certain points in time, I can see it all in my head. The bright lights and laughter and missed cues and... well, you get the idea. I just wish I had made it a bigger part of my life.

I just spent fifty dollars on itunes within the past two days. A majority of it went towards purchasing soundtracks that I may own but cannot locate. One of which is Phantom of the Opera (the broadway version, I know I own. So I bought the movie version instead until I find it, haha) and another which is, of course, Moulin Rouge. I have thusly decided that I really want to see Phantom of the Opera again. And I'll be watching Moulin Rouge as soon as I have "free time".

Anyway, I'm exhausted. It's been a long day. I woke up and visited Steph at work again (the other job this time) and then I ran home to change and then I ran to the office to go from there to the viewing of my soon-to-be-uncle's mom. Funeral homes are bizarre to me. And I've decided that when I die, I don't think I'd want an open casket. I don't want anyone to look at me and know that I'm not actually sleeping. That I won't actually wake up. There is something disturbing about that to me. But that is in the far future, I hope. Although I almost drove into traffic on accident today... hahaha oops.

Then I went to "girl's night" for dinner and shopping in Parisian. It was okay. More money out of my pocket. More things I can't afford to be paying for.

Speaking of unaffordable things in life, school is going to be difficult in that area. Prayers are appreciated just for my financial state at this point. I just lost 2,000 dollars. And I have to pay for Disney by myself. When I'm done with that, my mom thinks I should take a year off of school and just work. We'll see. Personally, I think I should just take out a loan or something. Why was I born into a family who doesn't believe in loans? hahaha Beats me.

My mom told me that she still has her record player in our house somewhere... I want to get it fixed and bring it with me. I'm fascinated with both music and sometimes old, rare-ish items. Not that I'd even have room for it. But conversation piece much? I think so. ^.^

I got my hair cut. It looked AWESOME yesterday. And so I took it as an opportunity to wear my new vest and go to Best Buy and spend more of that money I don't have. I felt really good and I wish that someone were there to spend it with me.

Oh, Steph has seen me for about a week straight now. It's insane. Fun. But insane. Last night she like.... snuck into my house hahaha. And she feared awkwardness, I think. But it was cool... I cannot explain that, sorry.

ANYWAY, like I said, I'm tired. And I've got really awesome music to listen to and work in the AM.

Goodnight, world.