Sunday, August 30, 2009

I have been staring at an apple for the past 7 minutes. Yes, seven... Well, actually, seven is my favorite number and that's why I picked it. It's probably only been like three minutes tops. Anyway, that is besidees the point. The point is that I have this really strong desire to throw the apple at someone or to shoot it with my non-existent bow and arrow. Yet, part of me wants to eat it.

I'm back at school. The first part of the week started off really well and I was having tons of fun and feeling totally and completely happy with life and whatnot. Once it hit about Wednesday evening, however, the week flipped a 180 while I wasn't looking. I stayed as positive as possible and made it my priority to make sure everyone else was really happy. Yesterday, unfortunately, I hit a wall- figuratively speaking, of course. I spiraled into a "funk" and waited all day for a text message that left me blown off with nothing to do with the rest of my evening. So, naturally, I tried to salvage my previous plans and as soon as I did that, I regretted it. I welled up with tears twice, got a hold of myself, and was thankfully rescued by Alana, who knew that I shouldn't have been where I was and wasn't going to let me stay there, no matter what. I tried. And I suppose it wasn't very mature of me to leave like I did, I know. I don't feel good about it at all and I'm really disappointed in a lot of things involving my state of mind. I don't know what I was thinking.

So my evening was turned into an evening of laughter and fun after being "saved" from my situation. Of course, my thoughts wandered into deep, dark places at points and when I came back to my dorm to sleep, but I'm glad nevertheless that I have the friends that I do and that they are always going to be there for me- I should never doubt that.

I realized last night that if I shared my view on the concept of "love" and what I believe about it, it would sadden or upset a lot of people. Most wouldn't agree with me and would probably argue with my train of thought; but I believe it even more so now than I have ever before.

Well, I'm done being mopey for now, haha. I wish I could find a piano to play. I'd take my ipod and try to learn some new music. Granted, I really should be doing homework right now, haha. You know me... the biggest procrastinator EVER. This apple is still sitting here.......

Classes are good, friends are great, maturity is lonely, and family is missed.

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