I honestly don't even have the energy to type out a boring blog entry. But I am going to do it anyway in order to try to find order in my own world right now.
I am upset. I'm very good at hiding it. Yet, I don't really care to hide it anymore either and therefore, it slips into view every so often. For example, my mother has asked me if I was okay twice within the past week. That's not normal for her to do. She's worried about me. And to be quite honest, I'm worried about me. It's hard to explain.
But what I do know is that right now, I' am stressed to the point that I have wanted to puke on several occasions, I haven't wanted to speak to anyone within the past 5 days. And I'm losing a lot of emotional feeling while gaining a lot of physical pain. My back has been bothering me for a month. I've finally become so annoyed by it that I scheduled a chiropractic appointment tomorrow morning. My feet have not stopped aching and my stomach is in a million explainable yet hidden knots.
I saw my sister. I love her. She makes me smile and she helps me out and she knows I'm frustrated about at least one thing right now. And she understands. And she is there for me. And I miss her already and wish I could spend time with her and her/my friends the weekend after this one.
I have a new favorite band. It's Parachute. Love them. A lot. Relient K is my ultimate favorite still, but Parachute is up there with them now.
I found out a lot of crap I didn't want to. My stomach just dropped further tonight because of it. But you know what? That's life and eff it. I don't care if it hurts anymore. It happens to more people than just me and I need to be stronger.
I have way too much to do before Thursday and it is freaking me out.
Matt S called me out on being a push-over today. He's awesome. And he just wants me to be more assertive in situations. Because I am a push-over and people do take advantage of me. And I just let them. Hence the push-over status, haha. Anyway, I'm really glad that he called me. I miss him a lot. I don't know what I'd do without him as a friend.
I'm so exhausted that I can't sleep. This is ridiculous.
I'm being a downer right now. But don't take that as, "oh, she hates life and is totally pessimistic". I'm not. I love life. And I am blessed in many ways. But I like to recognize the bad parts of it in hopes of finding ways around them and making the blessings shine through more.