Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I've never been able to say that a single person makes me feel bad about myself in just about every aspect.

I can say that now.
At this moment, there is a single person who I have realized that makes me feel like I'm never good enough. There is no reason for me to feel this way at all. I don't wish to be like this person. I don't wish to have the things that they have. I'm perfectly content with my life.

But I will say that I am glad to have this person in my life. Because of them, I push myself harder- not to be better than them, but because in some strange, bizarre way they have motivated me to push myself.

I've been judged. Unfortunately, not only by God, but by others- friends, acquaintances, passing strangers... Judged both fairly perhaps and also unfairly. I can't change judgments. Because, honestly? Once people set their minds to something, they are reluctant to have that mind changed. People are stubborn.

I'm not having a great night, if you haven't already guessed. I've been out running for at least an hour these past three days so I'm mighty sore, I don't feel well, and I'm tired and don't feel like doing homework at the moment. I'm being really down on myself at the moment, but at least I realize it and am working to change it.

I thought that I wanted a friendship back.
But if the feeling isn't mutual then I'm not going to put anymore effort into it for now.
If it is one thing I have a hard time understanding, it is hypocrisy and lying.
I'm guilty of both from time to time.
But that doesn't mean I understand why people can handle doing it.

You can hate me all you want.
I don't hate you at all.
I just don't understand you very well.

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