Monday, November 30, 2009

Let it snow!

I have mixed feelings about you, Snow.
You look very pretty, yet if you had a heart, it'd be ice cold.

It is snowing here at this very moment, if you couldn't have guessed that already. I honestly do enjoy to watch snow fall and I like to even play in it once it has settled in to stay. But I, being the incredibly scatter-brained individual that I am, left my practical boots at home. Plus, I have lost my gloves, which means that I have to buy large amounts of hot chocolate so that when I walk to class, I have something to warm my hands. Buying lots of hot chocolate... it adds up, lemme tell ya.

This is the last full week of classes. It's kind of a bitter sweet feeling for me. I'm not exactly sure why. I mean, I'm ready for break and I'm excited for a whole new class schedule; but something has me feeling uneasy. Perhaps it is just finals lurking around the corner that has me all stressed out.

I went to dinner with a boy in my painting class today. It was fun. He's not what I expect, which is rather refreshing and mysterious, I think. Learning about people is so much fun. The only problem is that I get so caught up in "learning" that I forget to "teach" others about myself. I'll work on that, haha.

Thanksgiving was wonderful! I really needed the little break and I wish that it could've been dragged out longer than it was. I have the most adorable little cousins in the world. Seriously. I wish I had pictures to share with you, but I was busy chasing them around and whatnot, haha. Oh, and I've eaten enough food to last me for weeks- I might as well hibernate, because I'm well prepared for it :P.

Well, I want to get a head start on this German homework I have to do for tomorrow. Nothing like being the biggest procrastinator in the world! WOO! haha, seriously, don't take after me- it's a bad idea.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

I just don't know.

This weekend was nuts. I mean, it was loads of fun, of course. It was just... I don't know. I can't find words to describe what I'm thinking, I guess? Haha, it happens to me sometimes.

I went to a friend's birthday party on Friday. It was a masquerade and I made this really sweet looking mask. I was really happy with how it turned out. And what do I do? I leave it at her place and probably won't get to see it again. I guess I'll just have to make another. Still. It was pretty awesome.

I became really ill on Saturday and for the first time ever spent my afternoon by the toilet. I was in the bathroom from about one until about 4:30. It was disgusting and completely frustrating and just tiresome. After I finally came to terms with my stomach, Leah and I went to go see New Moon at 8. It was actually pretty good! I was kind of surprised, honestly. I didn't like Twilight all that much. But I would like to see New Moon again, I think. If only I had money... haha. We got back at like 10:30ish and Julian, Steph, Riss, and Jennifer were already on their way to being noisier than normal (well, not Jennifer). We went to some house party for the evening. Jenn and I were designated "mothers" of the evening, haha. And I'll just say that I've seen enough vomit in one whole day/night to last me a lifetime now.

And now here I sit. Ultimately just plain unwilling to do my homework, and fighting with my brain about how I feel and why I feel it. My feelings are being vague with my sense of logic right now and it is rather unsettling.

Well, time to go get bosco sticks before they are put away for the night.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Spoiler alert: This post is possibly completely out of line

I had every intention of staying completely positive throughout this whole blog.

But you know what?
I'd rather be real than lie with positivity.
I can't stomach that kind of behavior, I'm sorry.

It's not like I haven't tried. It's not my fault you're unwilling to cooperate.
And I could sit here and throw my vocal daggers of assassination at you, because maybe I'm not better than that.
But honestly, I'm tired of this game of cat and mouse.
I'm tired of us both hiding behind a shell of ambiguity.
Yet neither of us wants to wave that white flag. Instead, you'd rather just run from the battlefield.
Nice move. Real classy.

You know, it's amazing when you think that you're getting to know someone. I say "getting to know" because I don't believe in knowing someone completely. There is always an unexplored edge. Always a hidden crevice of character. Which, to me at least, is what makes the process of getting to know an individual all the more fascinating. And part of me still wants to explore the one individual who has decided to- unintentionally, mind you- openly loathe my existence. But they have fled from the scene. Whether or not they will return, I do not know.
It's not like I haven't seen the same exact pattern before.
It's not like I didn't know it was coming in the first place, ironically.
I didn't choose this. You'd be foolish to think that I made that decision.

Maybe this post is from my unreleased aggression for the day. Maybe I'll wish I hadn't posted it later. But right now, all I want is for all of this to stop. Not fast forward to the part where we're better. Not rewind to better times. Just stop. So that when I push play again, the mixed tape runs smoother than it did with the tangled mess that we are now.

You'd be foolish to think this blog made me feel better.
Even more so if you believe this is the end.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I am in love with Chris Colfer.

Well, his character (Kurt) on "Glee" anyway.

I'm practically obsessed with this last episode. They sang Defying Gravity from Wicked in it. Ugh. It was just SO good. And yeah. I love Chris Colfer. He's moved into a list of people that I want to someday meet.

Otherwise, life is pretty basic. School. Calls from home. Hanging out with friends. You know, the usual.

I did call my mother today to ask about my grandmother. My mom had left a rather vague comment on my brothers facebook page about staying up really late with my grandma- that is never a good sign, so I called. I won't give you the details, I guess, because my mother seemed to want to keep it within the family or something- hence the vague-ness on her part. But, I will tell you that my grandma is okay.

Today (and by today, I mean yesterday since it was only an hour and a half ago), was one of my best friend's birthdays. She had an amazing day (she told me). And I could not be happier for her. She deserves the very best in life and I am happy to have her as such an amazing friend. So, Alana, HAPPY BIRTHDAY (again)!

I slept for a good chunk of the day simply because I was bored. I don't like doing that. I just wasted a perfectly good day with sleep that I didn't even need; and now I am going to have a hard time sleeping tonight. I did write love on my arms today though. I'll admit that I almost forgot, but thankfully I remembered when I woke up from my nap. That organization is one that I support whole-heartedly. I actually ordered something from their store tonight- it's on back-order though so who knows when I'll actually get it.

I've been having a really bad week or so lately. Thankfully, I'm not going to let that bring me down any longer.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm wearing clothes that I just got out of the dryer (well, they were freshly out of the dryer like an hour and a half ago or so...) and it is one of my favorite feelings ever, I've decided.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I've decided that a big part of me hates blogs.

A big part of it is that when you read someone's blog, and they write about another individual and are being vague, part of you assumes that they are referring to you- even if they aren't at all. It's this never-ending cycle.

People read too much into things.

And another reason I don't like blogs?
I do it. Others do it.
I don't have any reason to! I just do it. Like I'm trying to one-up someone sometimes it seems.
Sometimes I just want to turn to people (myself included) and be like, "don't dwell on it" or the more-harsh version, "get over it". Blogs are filled with the same experiences over and over and over- just slightly different. Typically anyway. And if they aren't blogs that pertain to those situations, then they seem to drag or appear as less than interesting.
People feed off of drama.

But then there is this completely other part of me that feels completely invigorated when I write something that is in the moment. Something that displays my current raw emotion or lack-there-of. I write because I want people to read what I write. I'd explain, but the rest of what I'm trying to say escapes me.

I registered for classes today. Sixteen credits. Nineteen if I can swing getting into photography. I'm honestly not worried about not having free time or not being able to handle the work-load. I can do this. I know for a fact that I can.

I think my mind just exploded on this blog page. Sometimes I read over what I write as if I were someone else and it makes no sense, haha. Sometimes my words can only be heard by my own ears.


Monday, November 2, 2009

I should be thankful.

I got what I prayed for this weekend.
They just weren't the answers I wanted to hear.

And I let it affect my mood, which was wrong of me to do. It shouldn't even have phased me.
But that's exactly what it did.
And you know what?
Phases pass.

I think.

I did enjoy Halloween. Despite spending a few hours in the bathroom whilest people came in and out to watch me be sick. I'm surrounded by good, caring people. And for that, I'm glad and thankful.
I've made a lot of new, interesting friends. And I bought an air soft gun. It was probably one of the highlights of my entire weekend.

So today I found someone's deoderant in the bathroom and since I didn't have mine on hand and desperately needed some, I borrowed it. I wish I had taken a closer look, because this stuff smells (still) AMAZING. Hahahaha

That's all for now. <3