Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Do I choose the smoothest course, or do you still wait for me Dreamgiver?
Alright, Pocahontas, I'm not faced with the choice of arranged marriage to a man named Kocoum, but I could sure use some advice on that question right now.
I'm faced with the option of getting out of a situation immediately, or sticking with it and seeing if it will eventually, possibly, MAYBE develop into an actual relationship. But that's just a POSSIBILITY.
Then again, you made that decision when you didn't even know who John Smith was. You just kept having a dream and you followed your heart. What if your heart had been wrong? Did you ever think of that? What if you had never found John Smith, or what if he never really cared much for you? Then what?
I guess I realize that decision is all on my shoulders. I don't really want anyone to influence it, because then that would be like hindering my own judgment on the matter. And ultimately, the decision on how to handle this is something that I have to make on my own.
I just wish I knew what was going to happen, ya know?
And I know that people worry. And I know that people would prefer that I choose the smoothest course. But I think that maybe the other course is a chance that I feel that I should take. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would've happened if I didn't take it. Even if it means getting hurt.
People make wrong choices all the time. Sometimes it's intentionally done because they don't care. This isn't the case for me. I'm not doing this to have a moment, disregarding the consequences. No. I'm scared stiff that this is going to bite me in the bum.
So here goes. I'm crossing my fingers. Praying. Let's go down that crooked course in this river.
Wish me luck. I will probably need it <3