Sunday, October 31, 2010


I don' t know what to think anymore, honestly.

It seems that my mood fluctuates between missing you and being frustrated with you. I generally care about you even though maybe I shouldn't. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore!!! Just let everything go and quit being nice completely or what? Keep being myself and try to help out when I think I can and end up feeling more frustrated?


All I know is that the only reason I ended up feeling frustrated was because that is how my night ended. With you marching out, pissed off, and my roommate saying that that was way too much for her to handle anymore so she was going home, which left me to a heart-to-heart conversation that I'm tired of even having.

And the conclusion I came to from that conversation with Jacob?:

"I don't know anymore, Jake. I'm starting to think it is me. It's like I've developed this pattern with people this year. And all of it just seems to be my fault for being who I am."

SO. Now what? hahaha ugh. I'm so tired of thinking.

I just don't like being publicly announced as a hated individual.

Two sides to every story. And I don't even tell my side anymore. It's not worth it. Sides are just a division of what was once whole.

On another note, I've had a crappy week. I was fined 500 dollars, didn't eat for 48 hours because I didn't have money anymore, still don't have money, was betrayed by a friend, cried twice over the phone, was scolded on several different occasions (one of which was for dying my hair brown), pulled an all-nighter that I didn't need to pull, returned to a bad habit, was almost put in a very uncomfortable situation, had to give away my cat, and pissed off a few people, dropped a class, and my brother moved away.

Oh, and Starbucks got my drink order wrong. Damn barista.... If I wanted it a mocha, I would've asked for it.

That about tops off my week. Tomorrow starts a new one and I'm going in to it with my head held high and a positive attitude.

Hope all is well with y'all :)

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