The weekend of January 23rd is stuck with me today.
Funny thing is that I'm not one percent sure that was the correct weekend. But I'm almost positive.
Granted, I don't care and I'd prefer to not remember at all.
Today, I feel haunted. And I feel empty.
If you haven't already guessed, today sucked. Everything that could've gone wrong did and then some. Now I would just love to be evicted from my apartment to end the day on a bang.
The year of 2010 is not going down in my diary as a good year. Just about everything from this year ended badly. I mean, life is life and things happen usually not the way you intend them to. But come on... Is it 2011 yet? Not that the advancing of a couple months changes anything. You don't get to start over. Time all runs together until it runs out.
And that's just it: It runs out.
So I could sit here and choose to dwell on every little thing this year, but I don't want to. I could learn something from it all, but right now I'd rather just not think about it at all. I'd rather just move on. Live tomorrow like things could be worse. Because the truth is? They could be. My life is blessed and I'm cursed with the annoying habit of forgetting just that.
Tomorrow probably won't be better. But I owe it to myself to keep fighting this.
All I wanted was a damn hug today. I still want one. Preferably from one of my best friends. But they had plans and I'm not about to rain on their parade.
A hug would be nice.
A shoulder would be golden.
And reassurance would be diamond.
Unless the heart isn't in it. Then it would all be like my smile: