Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Well, it is about that time again.
Time for Christmas.

I'm not even close to being finished with shopping and tomorrow is Christmas Eve.
I've actually been spending all my time working or going out of state or reading or online.
I don't update this blog much more because I have another site that I enjoy more-so.
Plus, I'm under the impression that just about no one reads this anymore.

But as an update:
I'm still single. Not really enjoying being single during holiday "lovey dovey" season crap, but that's natural and it's the same every year, so it actually is tolerable.
I temporarily cut off communication with my best friend. Nor do I intend on starting up that friendship again ever if he never apologizes like he promised. I will miss him most definitely, but I need time, space, and lots and lots of hugs and I NEED an apology. I deserve one or at least an attempt. I'm really not that hard to please.
I really have been itching to write lately but nothing seems to come to mind that is interesting enough to go on and on about.
Song on repeat right now is "Wait it Out" by Imogen Heap. Gorgeous song. Totally relate-able to part of my life right now.
Reading "The Hunger Games" trilogy. On book two at the moment. Finished book one in two days. Guess you can say I'm loving it.
Slowly beginning to realize that my imagination is one of the happiest places in the world (or rather in my world, haha) and I get the privilege of having it with me at all times.
Also beginning to realize that I find beauty in a lot of simple and complex stuff that people don't normally.
I asked for a vocal/music recorder program for my computer this Christmas. Also asked for a ukulele and clothes. Also would love a polaroid camera but forgot to ask for it. Also asked for my grandfathers violin. Also requested the third book of this trilogy.
Wanted to send multiple gifts to people who would least expect it. Might still do that. Just not until after Christmas now.

Other than that, you aren't missing much.
My best friend in the whole world came to visit me today. Every moment spent with him is spent happily. He's the best person in the world with the greatest heart I've seen ever.
^That is a different best friend than the one mentioned earlier who I am not speaking to. Two different kinds of friends. Both are dear to my heart regardless.

Alright now I'm going to listen to this song one more time and then read.
Hope all is well!
Merry Christmas and happy new year!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Moving Out:

Today is my day. I plan on getting so much done today.

Which is why I’m sitting at my computer typing this post up… Haha

Well, if you haven’t heard already, I want to move out of my apartment and am looking for a sublease. Chances are, I won’t find someone to take my spot so late in the game, but I have to try. I recent, related news, apparently my roommates dubbed it okay to talk about me whilst I was sitting just downstairs in my room with the door wide open. I’m not eighty years old+, my hearing is still quite good, and so why they would think this was a smart idea, I do not know. This is twice now that I’ve heard myself talked about. Both times I wound up slamming my door, and only once did I actually receive an apology that I now second guess as being genuine.

I want to move because I am not happy here. I’m stressed all the time, I have a lot of classes that I’m going to be taking next semester and don’t particularly want to have to worry about being stressed from this petty roommate drama, and most importantly, I am not comfortable in my own home up here. For once, I’m attempting to think of my happiness and what is important for me to function. And naturally, the one time that I attempt at searching for a better solution for myself, I am deemed selfish. Selfish for wanting to make, not only my life more happy, but clear up roommate drama by moving out. We’ve tried to talk about our problems and they are only getting worse from my perspective. So I think that the best solution is for me to peace out. But from what I hear, I should be able to just lock myself in my room for an entire semester in order to get by. Because that should be enough for me to function, right?

Sometimes I wonder if people actually think about what they are saying before they say it. Like that statement, for example. Do they realize how ridiculous it sounds for an individual to have to lock themselves in their bedroom just to get by? Nevertheless, as soon as break hits, my television will be moved into my bedroom, because I don’t trust my roommates anymore and if they want me to hibernate in my room, then next semester I will. With my expensive furniture (aka my tv).

On a happy note, the semester is almost over. And I get to visit my sister for a week again for one last time before she gets married and moves. I plan on getting whatever Christmas shopping I need to do done during this time. And, if my sister allows it, I will commandeer her vehicle in order to visit my best friend in WI J. This is also provided that the weather is decent. I miss him so much that I REALLY, REALLY hope she lets me go. It’s impossible to not have fun with that kid! Haha

When I’m not stressing about my roommates or finals (which are in process), I find myself aching for new piano music. John Denver and the Muppet’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” is a beautiful piece that I would love to own. And also a lot of the scores from “(500) Days Of Summer” I would enjoy having as well. I miss a tuned piano dearly. I feel like I would be less stressed up here if I had access to one in my room. But alas, I do not.

Lately, all of my thoughts seem to float back to you, boy. I don’t know why I’m finding myself second guessing things lately, but it makes me uneasy. I don’t understand why you would hide something from me, but something is definitely off enough to make me feel like you have. We’re approaching the point in time where we drift apart because you choose to. You don’t see it coming of course, and when I tell you about it you tell me I’m being ridiculous and that it will never happen. But it has already started. *Sigh*

You, sir, are another person who is constantly on my mind. I feel respected as an individual around you, and sadly, I’m not used to that and it is fascinating. And I realize that you have walls. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any too. I think that because we both have such a secure wall drawn about each other, we’re being very cautious about the other. Vulnerability is not always fun when given to the wrong individual. But I hope to find that window in your wall soon.

Today I’m going to takea bath and watch a movie, start my laundry, return my cans, clean my room, possibly go tanning, order a pizza, watch another movie, perhaps sketch a little bit, pack a little bit, study a little bit, maybe go to get coffee with Leah if she is available, maybe read a book too, and then sleep. Oh, and maybe some guitar practice thrown in there somewhere. J I’m going to be very productive today, which is why I need to stop typing on my computer and start getting things done.

Merry Christmas,