Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Moving Out:

Today is my day. I plan on getting so much done today.

Which is why I’m sitting at my computer typing this post up… Haha

Well, if you haven’t heard already, I want to move out of my apartment and am looking for a sublease. Chances are, I won’t find someone to take my spot so late in the game, but I have to try. I recent, related news, apparently my roommates dubbed it okay to talk about me whilst I was sitting just downstairs in my room with the door wide open. I’m not eighty years old+, my hearing is still quite good, and so why they would think this was a smart idea, I do not know. This is twice now that I’ve heard myself talked about. Both times I wound up slamming my door, and only once did I actually receive an apology that I now second guess as being genuine.

I want to move because I am not happy here. I’m stressed all the time, I have a lot of classes that I’m going to be taking next semester and don’t particularly want to have to worry about being stressed from this petty roommate drama, and most importantly, I am not comfortable in my own home up here. For once, I’m attempting to think of my happiness and what is important for me to function. And naturally, the one time that I attempt at searching for a better solution for myself, I am deemed selfish. Selfish for wanting to make, not only my life more happy, but clear up roommate drama by moving out. We’ve tried to talk about our problems and they are only getting worse from my perspective. So I think that the best solution is for me to peace out. But from what I hear, I should be able to just lock myself in my room for an entire semester in order to get by. Because that should be enough for me to function, right?

Sometimes I wonder if people actually think about what they are saying before they say it. Like that statement, for example. Do they realize how ridiculous it sounds for an individual to have to lock themselves in their bedroom just to get by? Nevertheless, as soon as break hits, my television will be moved into my bedroom, because I don’t trust my roommates anymore and if they want me to hibernate in my room, then next semester I will. With my expensive furniture (aka my tv).

On a happy note, the semester is almost over. And I get to visit my sister for a week again for one last time before she gets married and moves. I plan on getting whatever Christmas shopping I need to do done during this time. And, if my sister allows it, I will commandeer her vehicle in order to visit my best friend in WI J. This is also provided that the weather is decent. I miss him so much that I REALLY, REALLY hope she lets me go. It’s impossible to not have fun with that kid! Haha

When I’m not stressing about my roommates or finals (which are in process), I find myself aching for new piano music. John Denver and the Muppet’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” is a beautiful piece that I would love to own. And also a lot of the scores from “(500) Days Of Summer” I would enjoy having as well. I miss a tuned piano dearly. I feel like I would be less stressed up here if I had access to one in my room. But alas, I do not.

Lately, all of my thoughts seem to float back to you, boy. I don’t know why I’m finding myself second guessing things lately, but it makes me uneasy. I don’t understand why you would hide something from me, but something is definitely off enough to make me feel like you have. We’re approaching the point in time where we drift apart because you choose to. You don’t see it coming of course, and when I tell you about it you tell me I’m being ridiculous and that it will never happen. But it has already started. *Sigh*

You, sir, are another person who is constantly on my mind. I feel respected as an individual around you, and sadly, I’m not used to that and it is fascinating. And I realize that you have walls. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any too. I think that because we both have such a secure wall drawn about each other, we’re being very cautious about the other. Vulnerability is not always fun when given to the wrong individual. But I hope to find that window in your wall soon.

Today I’m going to takea bath and watch a movie, start my laundry, return my cans, clean my room, possibly go tanning, order a pizza, watch another movie, perhaps sketch a little bit, pack a little bit, study a little bit, maybe go to get coffee with Leah if she is available, maybe read a book too, and then sleep. Oh, and maybe some guitar practice thrown in there somewhere. J I’m going to be very productive today, which is why I need to stop typing on my computer and start getting things done.

Merry Christmas,


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