Friday, March 12, 2010

Delay of painting;

Nothing like finally being on a roll with this painting and then realizing that I have to stop and get ready for work in an hour.

And I offered to pick up a shift tomorrow if needed. Am I that idiotic? This painting is due when I get back. It has to be 95% done by Monday. It is maybe 20% done. Way to plan this out, Lydia.

I'm being pulled to pieces between work and people wanting me to do them favors or family events. This is the least relaxing way to be spending my break. It doesn't even feel like I've been on one. It feels like I've been home for a weekend. Just a weekend. That's how jam packed I feel my schedule is. It's suffocating. But I suppose it is my own fault for taking on so much at once.

Well, I met someone who led me on and now suddenly believes that the type of person they are is not what I'm looking for. Again. Being friends is what is best "for the time being". Time. I'm tired of time. I laugh at myself for letting this happen yet again. I literally saw it coming. And although he hints at time being a factor that could change things, the truth of the matter is that time doesn't change things like this. It's not a matter of timing.

Regardless, this was for the better. I'm at a point in my life where I am not ready for any relationship. I am comfortable with being free. Independent. I want to travel. I don't want to be tied down to anyone at the moment.

There are times when I truly believe I won't find anyone. I feel as if people cannot see life the way I do. And I'm stuck in the state of mind where I want them to see it like me. But not one person sees things the same as another and I realize that. But my mind chooses to not want to believe that I can show them somehow.

I can't explain to you the beauty that I see. The 'love' that I feel. (I put love in quotes because you already know I don't believe in being able to feel love to the full extent).

Anyway, I'm going to wind up talking myself in circles right now.
And I have ten minutes before leaving for work and I have yet to change. Oops.

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