Monday, May 11, 2009

I can't help but feel like I've ruined everything.

All the pleading and the tears... they don't get me anywhere and they just... Make things worse, I guess.

Ladies and gentlemen, while I was away at school this year, during my second semester, I fell in love. I'm not embarrassed by it, I'm not mad that I did, and I am not dealing well with the aftermath that has destroyed my heart. I don't know what to do and am constantly reduced to tears when it comes to certain thoughts. I just wish that everything had worked out for me and him. I wish we were still together. I honestly can say that I am terrified at the thought of him not being there. I guess that sometimes one person falls in love, and the other person just falls away. Yada, yada- you can tell me that there are tons of fish in the sea. I've heard it a thousand times already. I hate hearing it. You don't realize that I had the perfect catch already. But I didn't have the proper hold and the fish slipped through my fingers and back in to the water.
I don't like talking about my relationships much. They are personal to me. This one most especially. I've never felt this way before, and I hate to annoy people with my heartbroken thoughts flying out of my mouth. I only need myself. Before I met him, I had already decided that being single my whole life wouldn't be so bad.
Don't tell me I'm over-dramatic. I was hurt- try to be understanding instead.

I had my first day of work today. I was cheerful the whole day and did a lot of work. Nothing like serving the people of this town, one ice cream cone at a time. I actually saw a couple people that I knew too. It was nice. I work again tomorrow from 6:30-10:30... this time with my boss. I have Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off- I'll go job hunting, of course.

Well, I'm tired and I need a spirit lifter. So I might go read.
I feel sick...

Chou for now.

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